Soulmate
ISSUE 1
I SPEAK TO THEM. I SHOULD SPEAK WITH THEM MORE.
THEY SPEAK TO ME.
THEY SPEAK TO ME.
crimson
this used to be inside of you, but here I am pulling it out of me
bling mansion summer ’17
there i was,
the bleary-eyed basement-waker,
annihilated every morning, day shot,
inconsolable save for a second after eggs,
then cradled again amongst couch stains
and the worst blanket i’ve ever seen
there you were,
of little frame, friday’s plaid
and saturday’s headache,
risen again like christ or something,
from your bemattressed floor,
from the other room,
and back into my orbit
there we were, alive
in relentless august light,
eclipsed only by the curtains
and our eyelids
there we were, alive
lawson full on either side,
grateful to your weight
a cushion over
there we were, alive
with our pinkie fingers tied,
all my love a road
that rose to meet you
Last Stop
Late has never meant much to you
and you won’t believe it snowed
so I won’t tell you sweet nothings
In this flurry of lights
I spill myself into existence
and so many reasons
You know how the rain plinked us away
how the miles poured backward into darkness
strung with radioactive jewels?
In one hot second we’ll be there
and you’ll be gone
for godssake
Yesterday I couldn’t help but notice you
stalled at every reflective surface
as if it had stopped you for directions
I wonder if you see yourself existing
and, if so, in how many parts
This morning I tried touching your arm
while you slept and it felt wrong to be a mirage
in a half-dreamt wasteland
but you were warm
and lost in Portugal
mumbling close to my ear
the road never ends
let’s get out here
poem for my future soulmate
i want to run through long fields with you
and i want to see the sun
drenched over your back
above me
i want to lie in the public garden
with your heart in one hand
and your palm in my other
i want you growing
like vines in my veins
and shining, like crystalline water
in my heart
__Operational
It starts in the cells, this adoration
and like all things that bend
— to biology
it multiplies ….
…. it’s viral
it needs a host — I’m a willing
habitat
Your name written
and carried
by my blood — noble in its mission
to give the body what
it needs
and if all I am is
the fleshy machine
built to love you
I’ll do everything I can
to remain
__operational
The lotus flower holds symbolic significance in life and in spirituality. Physically, the lotus flower grows up through the mud, and blossoms free of any residue. This is the same with us as people, growing through the mud of life and blossoming beyond our past experiences, showing strength, beauty and purity of our souls.
Lotus
my love angel
and baby, when it’s love, if it’s not rough it isn’t fun
he loves the way i look
right before he hits me
expectant
the way the sky looks in summer
before releasing pregnant humidity
tearing at the seams
your palm
sharp like raspberry, i, the same
color
a temperature shift,
i’m suddenly starving
we fuck hard
after watching lady gaga music videos
ripping fat bong hits
like faggot fraternity brothers
i beg him to tenderize the softest parts of my meat with the kitchen tool we got from the dollar store to make my skin match the pink black and blue plastic flowers in it’s windows
he wears his chain
dangling D Y K E in silver blackletter
as he carves the same word into my chest
and when rusty cherries peak their
shy slippery fruit out of me
i have never felt anything more romantic
i get a speeding ticket
in the summer while driving to lady gaga’s chromatica
the rpm is too high to drive the speed limit
i text you first
you’ll understand my side
your contact photo on my phone has my blood smeared on your lips.
i bring a jumbo size gatorade to work
on the days you want to make me bleed
i text you a photo of the bottle
you tell me i am good,
proud like a father.
i piss 10 times before i get to your bed
during,
i picture my skin
leaking the wet blue pearls
from the 2011 Gatorade commercials
where the athletes would sweat
orange,
blue,
green
i think it would feel the same
at least in stickiness
but when you are done with me
i find my sweat clear and salt
my blood still red
you lick me clean just the same
There is a lot to say about time and what it is regarding its origins, existence and nature. What intrigues me the most is how the timing of events is always the way it should be, whether consciously or not, like the arrival of a soulmate. Time shows the universal laws we coincide with through reflection of life, death and rebirth.
Time
After two years of the Covid-19 pandemic being present, I had contracted the virus in late June of 2022. It had been some time since I had any shows or made any work, and while quarantining I had no energy to create, let alone take care of myself. When my health began to regenerate, I finally made my first piece in months. After working, traveling, moving and catching the Corona virus, Red Lily was my soulmate that sparked my creative journey for the rest of this year.
Red Lilly
Girl. ghosts
Quatern After the Photographs of Youssef Nabil
I am not afraid to love you
Or mistake eroticism
For what sits beneath your curved nose
Prized lips drawn away from the teeth
While I am afraid to lose you
I am not afraid to love you
Because we share our dreamless sleeps
Without question, without knowing
I wake myself up by talking
Where the words come from I can’t say
I am not afraid to love you
But I am afraid of myself
Almost as if we met before
Reach for me in your memory
Not a smile but a dappled snarl
I am not afraid to love you
They're not coming
The Ladies of Llangollen
With my bulldog lady and the pussycat
What more could an old woman want?
The ripe pears bend the bow,
The walls hold the shape I gave them,
The flattery of society floats in and out of our sitting room.
And I go to a warm bed
with my sweetheart, my bulldog lady.
There is nothing more an old woman could want.
Vivian Eggleston
my heart is a muscle the size of my fist. It punches me each time we kiss
december 11, 2022 9:17 pm
my last soulmate couldn’t be the one because they are allergic to cats. at least that’s what i keep trying to convince myself. it doesn’t keep me from checking to see if they watched my story. the ghosts of delusion have convinced me that maybe we’re meant to be because we were born on our birthdays and somehow that correlates to fate in my mind. when the sun is so close to venus, i’m blinded by all the possibilities of what could be and i can’t discern delusion from wishful thinking. it all feels like yearning in the end.
i have a hard time letting go. all the hypnotherapists and pick-a-card readers told me that all soulmates aren’t always meant to stick around forever, but that doesn’t make my grip on them any looser. even when i let go, they visit me in my dreams and every night i find myself trying to scrounge up imaginary money for imaginary bus tickets to imaginary maine. but maybe its not all imaginary; it’s certainly more comforting to believe that no contact doesn’t extend to the astral world. that’s why i can hear their voices so clearly after they’ve stopped giving it to me. a simple laugh and squeeze on the shoulder from a dream gives me enough patience to make it through the next conscious day and somehow that feels really magical and it also makes me want to cry.
i miss all my soulmates. i talk to them in my head and call it meditation. they send me messages in songs and i act like i’m not going crazy. i pull the lovers card always next to the hermit. i ask my angels what that means and they tell me nothing. i daydream about the future and then stop very quickly and wonder if mentally chasing after any of my soulmates equates to self-betrayal. i wonder about my purpose and about their purpose in my life. i wonder what exactly was written in the contract we signed before placing ourselves back on earth. i wonder what our names used to be. i wonder what they’re doing right now. i wonder what they’re doing right now. i wonder if they’ve thought about me today. i wonder if i even have a next soulmate. i wonder if they know we named this magazine after them. i wonder what they’re doing right now.
the veil
contributors
Azalea Grey (they/she) is a romantic.
Blu Tucker (they/them) a faggot based in Portland, Oregon who’s doing their absolute best to relate to people/places/things/ideas. Their soulmates change each moment and often overlap. Though they prefer to work in clay, they find joy in making any type of way they can reach. Find Blu on Instagram @b_l_u____ (4 underscores)
Stace Brandt (they/them) is an interdisciplinary writer, musician, and curator. They are the co-director of Gallery VERY, an artist-run exhibition space in Boston. Stace's work has appeared in various print and online publications including Art New England, Big Red & Shiny, and WMN Zine. Find Stace on Instagram @stace_brandt
Emily Carter (she/her) is an enthusiastic but often disgruntled artist-type person in Boston, MA. She makes rock music in a band called Bricklayer and wishes she had more time to write poems and make comics. She is on Instagram @e_cartz and Twitter @bricklayer_boston
Reilly Caitlin (she/her) is a mixed media artist and writer who resides in the snowy suburbs of Maine. In between working in social services and striking through daily to-do lists, Reilly finds catharsis from the art she makes pertaining to her relationship with girlhood, trauma, and the childhood experiences that have shaped her present self. Find Reilly on Instagram @heart__berries
Joe Hamman (he/him) is a visual artist / designer and closeted poet. Find Joe on Instagram @joehamman_art
Jimmy Arca (he/him) is an illustrator based in Dallas/Fort Worth, TX. He graduated from the University of North Texas in Studio Art in Drawing and Painting. Although he earned a degree in Drawing and Painting, he is always open to exploring multimedia works such as writing, gif animation, and video. These works deal with a wide range of concentrations, including but not limited to; visual noise, pop culture, educational subjects, religion, the human psyche, and love. Find Jimmy on Instagram and GIFY @inoiseaguy
Joy Cotton (she/her) is a mixed media artist living in Omaha. Joy uses a combination of pencil, acrylic, oil to create paintings and murals. She creates pieces that hold a great significance to personal emotions, like happiness, sadness, anger, and depression. The characters she makes depict different forms of fantasy and realistic figure drawings. These works contain multiple layers of textures and different types of painting applications. A graduate of University of Nebraska at Omaha Joy often works with other artists and organizations within the Omaha arts community. For the past two years she has worked on projects with Omaha Summer Arts Festival (OSAF), Benson First Fridays (BFF), and this past year Midtown Crossing Sunny Chair project. Interacting, building relationships and collaborating with innovative individuals has shown her the interconnectedness of the art community. Through these interactions, observations, and personal projects she has continued to define and develop her artistry.Find Joy on Instagram @ joycotton
Katy Lum (she/they) is a teacher and bird lover living in Boston, MA. She says, "hi mom."
Aspen Monet Laboy (they/them) is an interdisciplinary artist from Omaha, Nebraska working in poetry, glass sculpting, installation, short film, and film photography. Exploring concepts of environmentalism, internal identity, and cultural heritage, they are influenced by nature, the social sciences, and philosophy. Some of their work has been shown in group exhibitions at MoonRise Gallery, LUX Center for the Arts, and Generator Space. Their solo shows have been exhibited at Fleabane Gallery, Goldsmith Silversmith, and Family of Things. Aspen has published three books; “Spirit” (2017), “The Quiet Lion” (2018), and “I MATTER” (2022). They have performed poetry at Project Project, Parrish Studios, and occasionally participate in local open mics. In 2023, several of their selected poems were aired on “Friday Live” with Nebraska Public Media through NPR. In the same year, Aspen became one of the selected artists for the Alternate Currents Working Cohort through Amplify Arts, in addition to being involved with the Community Advisory Group. Find Aspen on Instagram @aspenmlaboy and at www.aspenmlaboy.com
Irina Tall (Novikova) (she/her) is an artist, graphic artist, illustrator, writer. She graduated from the State Academy of Slavic Cultures with a degree in art, and also has a bachelor's degree in design.
The first personal exhibition "My soul is like a wild hawk" (2002) was held in the museum of Maxim Bagdanovich. Writes fairy tales and poems, illustrates stories. She loves mythological images. She is inspired by people, their depth and ambiguity, she loves the evening forest. Sometimes she picks up and heals injured birds. Her works were published in the magazines "Little Literary Living Room", "Gipsopfila" and others. In 2020 she took part in Poznań Art Week. Find her on Instagram @irinanov4155 and @irina1187novikova
Jessica Critcher (she/her) is a writer and textile artist living in Alameda, CA. Her poetry and visual art have been featured in the Inkblot Gallery in 2021, but were originally intended as a Valentine for her husband. Find Jessica on Instagram @crafting4justice and at https://crafting4justice.wixsite.com/craftingforjustice
Seana Aiolupotea (they/them) is a Gemini, amateur comedian, nanny, auntie, uncle, astrological genius, psychic, beautiful, gorgeous, etc. They are currently on the search for the muse of this magazine--the Next Soulmate. Book a reading with Seana on Instagram at @seanathegemini.
Cameron Schroeder (they/them) is a multidisciplinary artist and leatherdyke living in Brooklyn, NY. They live with their partner (Mariah), dog (Sadie), and cat (Soup). Their work is influenced by dykehood, ephemera, energy, sensation and leather culture. They love pop music, being snug as a bug, and the way your lips look after drinking red wine. Find Cameron on Instagram @green_truck_emoji
L Scully (they/them) is a trans writer and double Capricorn currently based in the ether. Love notes can be sent via DM @_caprihorny_
Kenn Crestwell (he/him) is a visual artist/poet/musician exploring human nature and the divine alchemy of self through storytelling, occult themes and folkloric imagery. He is on Instagram @kenncrescentmoon and @figmment